We have all had such moments...

... watching the second hand tick second by second.

We can never regain such seconds.

Where all the riches of this world...

Where all the possible achievements from this life...

Where the fruition of all dreams and aspirations...

... are far too short to redeem even one second that now dangerously reside in what one can only call the past.

We live in only one reality...

... the present.

However, I propose...

We exist in memories of the past...

And hopes for the future.

You cannot undo the past.

You can only redo the future.

Pablo Neruda

Sonnet XVII

I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom and carries
hidden within itself the light of those flowers,
and thanks to your love, darkly in my body
lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way because I don't know any other way of loving

but this, in which there is no I or you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close.

February 8th 2009

Public Library

---

Life has a way of telling you things.

Often in subtle ways but very rarely with such audacity.

Palahniuk's Invisible Monsters had been collecting a fair amount of dust on my bookshelf. I had borrowed it among a dozen I intended to devour over the coming month.

Upon flipping the cover I came across this post-it that someone had conveniently placed inside. What was more surprising was the contents of the message on the post-it.

---

They say it takes a minute to meet someone.

An hour to appreciate them.

A day to love them.

But an entire life to forget them.

---

I don't know who you are.

Nor do I really want to know.

I do not know your pain.

I do not not know of your reasons why.

But what I do know is that you have spoken your truth.

You've helped me realize something I should have figured a long time ago.

Not just within the content of that message.

But something more inherent and transparent to all others but me.

Where are you?

The frailty of human interrelations and the sweetness of such finite moments lay as the standard exchange for the privilege of such fleeting emotions in return for a life of regret and unwanted circumstance.

To replay each minute, hour, and day in which we met, appreciated and loved. You say to me it takes an entire life to forget. But I say an entire life is much to short to even begin to comprehend the depths of such exchanges between two that are in love within a single framed moment in time.

We evolve within each other. Sooner than later... we become one.

But here we are.

Apart.

... an entire life to forget them.

Thank you mysterious stranger~

"The brick walls are there for a reason.

They're not there to keep us out.

The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something."

From "The Last Lecture"

Dr. Randy Pausch

(p 51-52)

---

We were sitting on the curb of Ring Road in front of Felicitas. Min Gyu sat there staring at the dark expanse of sky with stars that crowned our heads that night.

I remember telling him about my visit to the Dean of Chemistry that very afternoon. How I would be unable to take Biochemistry 300. How my dreams of becoming a medical doctor were being blocked by this man that would not let me register for this course.

With all the liquid courage he could muster from our imbued beers at Felicitas, he told me that he could see me doing nothing else.

Min Gyu... you stood up as my best friend that night.

I never forgot the lessons I had learned from Biochemistry. The Dean eventually took a chance and let me in. It took a lot of convincing and the spewing of many empty and false promises. But in the end... there was a way.

---

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."

From "The Last Lecture"

Dr. Randy Pausch

---

There is no such thing as "luck".

There is no such thing as "the best thing".

There is only destiny to fulfill.

When you shed enough blood, sweat and tears. The rest will simply follow. Build your foundations in prayer. Buffer your requests with action. Your blood, sweat and tears are the currency with which you pay for the realization of dreams and the fruition of life's possibilities.

How bad do you want it?

How far will you go to achieve your dreams?

---

Be the hopeless romantic.

Sing those obnoxiously optimistic songs.

Smile with reckless abandon for each and every convinction.

Then smile for no reason.

Jump into puddles.

Never just simply put popcorn into your mouth.

Always lob it in.

Fart without abandon or discretion.

Burp like you damn well mean it.

Paint this damn world red.

And weep at its sheer beauty.

Love...

Foolishly lose it.

Then cherish its finite traces in your memory.

Follow your heart.

Strengthen it with your mind.

Then let your soul take you there.

But always remember...

Live hard...

... but dream harder.

l i f e i s w a i t i n g

The beauty of life is only subliminal... for all we seek to find is the irrelevance that is so inherent within what we deem as being truthfully important to the continual existence of our un-important, irrelevant selves. We cannot help our conscious minds and souls because the beautiful things we perceive are in and of themselves... in the end, irrelevant in meeting happiness.

Only the places in our heart that we only know in our deepest and darkest of moments. Where oft moments of horror and despair are the only moments when such things imbued in us see the light of day. Where beauty becomes the unexpected product of such horror and sadness that all we can do is laugh in incredulity.

Often, the worst in this world brings out the best in us.

A underlying naturalistic instinct... where we are taken from daily complexities and returned to our core and defining purposes. What is desire and the progression towards a goal when the end results of such endeavours cannot be enjoyed?

We are often reminded to do and to think in order to ensure the future happiness of our future selves, often through the neglect of who we are at this present moment. But who takes care of who we are right now when we look, work and devote ourselves to the future? When will we free ourselves from the perpeutuity of this cycle we put ourselves through when at the end of each path we ask ourselves "and then what?"

We constantly neglect the here and now... trading in our love for the moment... for moments in the future that may or may never come.

So in light of there being no answer with many different "best" solutions...

"Do not live to seize the day... but cherish it... remember it... embrace it... honor it... in the way that it already is.

For what is life when we live like each day is our last?

h o m e

Your eyes are suddenly open to the road before you now.

You turn your head back to the way you have come,
only to encounter a fog of memories of actions,
in places,
with people,
you cannot recall.

When thinking of the ways you have travelled on this road,
of which the length you cannot foretell.
You have come to realize that you have kept walking,
never resting,
never ceasing.

"I have missed too much" you say out loud.

"You have wasted so much" your mind replies.

"But you're here aren't you?' your heart replies.

Your eyes peer beyond
the seemingly unending horizon before you,

The single,
narrow road
cutting into the heart of the setting sun.

Your ears hear the fullness of the silence that surrounds you,
You smell the brisk cold that is slowly pulling itself up in the air.

There...

...in a life that seemed so full at a particular point in time,
that escapes your memory.





You are alone





But you keep walking





home.

ANY OTHER DAY

Dream... as if you'll live forever,

Live... as if you'll die today.
Like any other day.
Today... like any other day.

Meandering down the same old paths,
routine... it's become.
Every road taken, no mystery unbequenthered upon me.

I remember my parents telling me to pursue my dreams,
when in reality
I became the root of their failure and disappointment.

What can you say to an underachiever?
You'll probably look at him,
shrug your shoulders and hope you never become him.
Yet you are the typical 9 to 5 man.
Punch in, punch out, find love, get married, 1.5 kids.
Die and lie in a frost ridden grave for all eternity...
with worms and all.

It's a beautiful life.

When you're born,
all those around you are smiling,
yet you alone are crying knowing what type of hellhole you've entered.

When you die,
all those around you are crying,
yet you alone smile...
knowing you're going to a better place.

Blood, Sweat, and Tears.
Hope, Faith, and Love.
Love...

To wake up everyday to the smell of her hair,
To hold a smiling child high up in your arms,
To know you are... where you belong.
A home in her wherever you may go,
wherever you may be.

They say love is to be patient,
they say love is to be kind.
But I am none of those things.
It's quite simple really.
She just took my heart...
and refused to let go.

Dream as if you'll live forever.
Live as if you'll die today.
Like any -- other -- day.
Through all the shit.
Live...

... for today.