Monday, April 4, 2005

... so, we all live and learn.

But we never seem to learn in time.

I've been looking over some of the "journals" I've kept in the past... and I've noticed a not so nice progression towards an more enlightened state. More like a squiggly line going up and down and up and down and then down some more... a lot more. *Ahem* Not so much something I had in mind when I started writing these things. I guess it's more like a window into what I'm really thinking... but many a time I have been burned for divulging barn burner details in some entries. Being a person that tends to keep to himself, my family has an inquenchable thirst to dig up dirt on my life... or maybe they're just curious as to how I'm doing. From sister, mother, roomate, and girlfriend (in that order) ... all have sneaked a peak. It's like that moment in Bridget Jones... you all know which scene I'm talking about. (BTW: That movie had a anti-male, pro-feminine chick flick that flaunts it and knows it shudder factor of super ultra caption.)

I digress... as always.

I see moments documented in crappy awkward high school kid prose. The early entries are painful to read... I said a lot of things in such complex ways when I could have summed it up very easily in one sentence. But in those very entries... I see an innocent kid with innocent dreams. I see a kid who loved God with all of his heart and had hopes and dreams all within him. I see a kid who was lonely, tired, and in many instances, very sad. But simply put... I saw a boy who wanted to embrace the whole world and change it.

Where is this boy now?

There are moments in some entries where I could remember the feelings that were going though me as I wrote them. I can feel the rush of great triumphs... and taste that same defeat in the many failures.

We forget way to quickly... and way to often.

So, we live and learn...

But for me... never in time.