Friday, November 25, 2005

In the not-so-Beginning,

God created Elliot.

And it was not-so-good.

Just simply average.

Then God said,

"Thanks for coming out".

If there ever was a story for each and everyone of us, I'm sure it would beginning in such a manner... in my mind anyway.

Life is filled with twists and turns that seem to meander in every which way. "Some" [fools] claim that this is what makes life that much more exciting. Furthermore, they include that those of us who make it are those that have succeeded in this meritocratic society we have built up for ourselves.

I'm told that humans enjoy "smart and easy".

We are all imperfect because we simply are. When we really really think hard about it... we seem to have created this construct that resembles a normal (bell) curve from which most individuals are in the middle and some lucky or unlucky individuals are on the extremes. What is unimportant is in the information that this curve provides us with, especially in terms of where we stand on this merit based curve. What is important is in the fact that we, as a society, have created our own extremes from which we delineate the excellent-please-lead-us-into-the-future from the horrible-why-where-you-ever-born.

The criteria that is used to delinate these individuals is basically non-existent... by "non-existent" I'm basically saying that the criteria asks all of us to be perfect, something I believe is impossible for most of the time.

We as humans were not made to fail. We simply fail based on a criteria that is based on impossible demands that bases itself in greed... or what we like to call "necessity".

We're all living the "Korean Dream" in certain aspects... or at least striving towards it. All our parents expect great things from us and if they aren't, then they've given up and have accept the incredibly catharic notion that we [their children] will never live up to their standards. Then there's the whole "immigrant family discourse" that encapsulates or blames the failure of their asian children on institutional or systematic racism that they themselves help to perpetuate through using it as an explanation for the shortcomings of their children.

Will we ever stop? No. Why? Cause we're Korean.

I contradict myself... and it feels great.

The simple fact of that matter is... most Koreans that do end up attempting post-secondary education are in the top tier of Canadian and the so-called "global" society. We are given opportunities that some people cannot even dream about in their wildest "girls-gone-wild" dreams. For that matter... we are blessed and at the same time cursed. We are blessed because most of us will not starve; but, then most of us will never be too well off either. We will occupy what academia has labelled as the new-middle class (non-skilled focussed labour such as service jobs). Most of us will most likely work in a field that we didn't even touch upon in undergrad... Why? Because the jobs that we get make the bills go away and that's sufficient for us all.

Do we or will we ever strive to be serious history makers in this land?

Do we go through all this bull just to pay the bills or the mortgage?

Are we willing to give up this security in order to pursue a greater calling?

Or are we simply going to turn our backs to it... and just fake it on like we'll make it every Sunday?

Can we really stop owning our own destiny... and give up our dreams of condos on Robson, 1.5 kids, and a Beemer in the underground parking lot?

Can we give up all those things to God?

I honestly... couldn't tell you. I'm too young. I lack wisdom to even dwell upon such things... and yet I do... and I contradict myself at every turn.

I seek knowledge and wisdom... but will it all stop when the ring goes on the finger and I'm stuck wearing a black tie for the next couple of nine-to-fives for the rest of my life?

This merry-go-round will end eventually... I can feel the music slowing down. The laughter has dissipated a while ago and all that can be heard is the falsity that is so inherent in the music box tune that is twinkling out of the speakers. This moment... will never come again. The false promises this ride brought into my heart were so clear and so fresh in the beginning... yet these emotions have become more and more sparse in occurence as the reality of the situation became clearer... as the world outside of this merry-go-round become more apparent.

The music will eventually stop.

And I will be forced to get off.

Wednesday, November 2, 2005

It ceases to amaze me...
just how humbled I am in the presence of children.

When really sifting past the preconcieved image or notion we have regarding our expectation of children we encounter, we find raw passion and drive towards the things that they seek... whatever those things may be. To really see from a child's perspective is to forsake all the "mature" clutter that tends to accumlate in the mind of adults. To sweep away doubts and fears that develop out of actually having something that is valued in one's life and in having something that can be lost, whatever those things may be, is to finally see the situation for what it is. The pure simplicity and the beauty of thinking in such simplistic terms may seem to generalistic and optimistic to many. In adopting a cynical and often pessimistic view of the world may be emotionally adaptive and socially defensive.

But nothing can describe the feeling of being free from these things that bind us down in our thoughts, in our ability to express our true emotions, and in our ability to dream in an open field that is free from the chains that this world and this society binds us down with.

Finding and developing a passion that is born from a raw and unformed fire that exists within our very hearts... now that's intellectually stimulating. (cue slap bass music)

The beauty of childhood we were ambivalent to during our own childhoods...

... to find fruition within our hearts under such harsh and unforgiving conditions that constitute adult life.