We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teachings about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. Therefore, let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instructions about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. ANd God permitting, we will do so. It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace. Land that drinks in the rain often falling on it and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is farmed recives the blessing of God. But land that produces thorns and thistles is worthless and is in danger of being cursed. In the end it will be burned. Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case - things that accompany salvation. God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.

- Hebrews 5:11 - 6:10

I need solid food... to taste the coming kingdom. But am I ready to challenge myself in such ways? If I really put my trust in him in this way, will I come back satisfied? When hurt and pain accompany life in these ways... will I revert back to drinking simple milk? Sometimes I question why I do some of the things I do in this life. When will I be able to release the passions I have in my life and truly be free to glorify him through what I truly... truly desire to do with ALL my heart. When will the passions and desires of my heart meld into glorifying him with ALL that I am? Hot, lukewarm, or cold... when will the passions of a nation united by his blood finally go out into this world and claim it for him.

Written around 2001, on a bench in front of the library... my bench.

THE LEAF

I was recently sitting on a bench at school drinking coffee and killing time. I lay an empty gaze to my surroundings. I saw a leaf fall to the ground. It lay on the ground for a while, then it started to slowly move. Gradually, it started to pick up and

DANCE

Just picture it in your head. There`s the leaf and the wind... accompanying each others moves, anticipating the next step, moving as one... and ultimately becoming one. Twirlling endlessly, and gracing the earth that it moves on. It was beautiful. It was extremely beautiful. I just sat there and watched...

Then I started to think about God... In this dance, both the leaf and the wind were performing. Pretty soon, you just see the leaf, and nothing more. You are conditioned, if you will, into seeing just that object; all the while not processing what the wind is doing with the leaf. If you think about it even more; the wind alone is what moves/leads/directs the leaf, not the leaf itself. The wind is what controls every factor of the movements of the leaf.

such is my life.

I am the leaf, and my life is the dance the leaf performs... what enpowers life and a will to continue? Ultimately...God. The Lord is my wind... I cannot dance without him... and my life is not what it can be without him... There are so many "happy" lives that people live... yet they are just leaves that do not dance... waiting to be trampled upon, decompose, disappear and be forgotten.

Yet life with God being the source of empowerment, encouragement, strength and ultimately love is the leaf that dances. The leaf, may not be very significant, but will establish a sense of beauty, wonderment, and an undeniable feeling of joy in those who see the performance. It make them feel what I felt when I watched that leaf... But sometimes the leaf doesn`t catch the swift arms of the wind, I myself have been in that situation alot. But I know, the wind is too large to miss everytime, and sooner or later, I will catch it again. The wind has promised. For those who do not yet see the wind... it is there. You may not be able to see it... but it is there.

Only a fool will deny the existence of the wind. A fool... I feel as if I often become oblivious to the wind... I am the foolish leaf that thinks I am leading the dance. But even in this situation

the wind will not stop blowing, and the leaf will not cease in its dancing.

In all of life, even in a simple thing like the movement of a leaf when the wind blows... You will see the face of God.

Turn on your radio... and most of the songs or the song titles of the songs that you will hear will have something... even a sliver of semblence... pertaining to love.

Why is it that we as a society are so preoccupied with the notion of falling in love, finding the right person... and eventually mating to create progeny that will eventually let us down in some way, while we systematically deny being let down in that way.

Do university text books hold validity regarding their slightly over the top discourse on the whole "purpose of life" which simply consists of doing whatever an individual/organism can to pass on its genes? I would like to believe that God had a... broader perspective on things regarding this subject. We as a society need to get over the fluffy attitude regarding L-O-V-E.

Love from individuals in this race we call human... come and go. So stop all the crying, fighting, complaining, and please... oh please... discontinue all MINDGAMES in progress.

Life goes on... and it ain't waiting for nobody... including you. When you meet the one... you'll know. And if you don't... well then... you've got a problem now don't you.

I know, I know... when desperation kicks in... yeah... we all know what goes down after that now...Have trouble finding love?

Start by loving yourself... then maybe... just maybe, you'll have room for loving that soon to be revealed special someone.

Why I'm writing about this at 3am in the morning is beyond me.